‘All you need is love….’ and an expensive bracelet, flowers and box of chocolates – right?
January has been a long month, full of bad weather, bills and general boredom. February rears it’s head and suddenly it seems like everyone is gearing up for valentines day. Cards have been in the shops since January 2nd and your significant other has been dropping hints about what they want. So, we thought we’d brighten up your day and give you some alternative Valentines gift ideas.
The Wage Shop takes no responsibility for relationship breakdowns on giving any of the gifts listed below. Shop at your own risk!
Ladybird Books For Grownups – The Husband & The Wife Series. Comes complete with gems like
‘The husband likes to do simple repairs, like changing the washer on a tap. Afterwards he likes to talk at great length about what a struggle it was, and will want to be treated as if he has invented a machine that turns farts into gold.’
‘Tina is getting married. It is the best day of her life. Next year, she will claim that becoming a mother was the best day of her life, but only because she was on some very strong drugs. Neither is true. The best day of her life was on her eighth birthday, when she got a yellow bike.’
Sticking with the book theme, what about How Not To Be A Dick? Great advice like ‘Don’t spit on food to claim it’. A great way to tell your partner they are a filthy animal!
What about meat? Always a good choice for Valentines! Sayitwithmeat offer beef bouquets, but only for sale in America. Never mind, there’s a tutorial here on how you can make your own bacon roses for that special meat lover in your life. Because, let’s face it, who wouldn’t want bacon as a gift?
Want to send a not-so-subtle hint you remember that fight a few weeks back? Why not buy them the Voodoo Kitchen Knife stand? A statue full of knives really says ‘I Love You!’
The best gift of all – Nothing! Why? Because that’s what they asked for. Head over to the Poundland website for great valentines gift ideas. The Gift Of Nothing – an empty plastic carton, or what about a lovely ring? If you think your relationship can survive a proposal with a Poundland ring, you’re a brave person. Seriously though, these things are really popular and selling out fast! It will certainly be interesting to see if anyone is successful with one of these on Valentines day.
Other half getting on a bit? Why not point that out to them with this inflatable zimmer frame? Nothing says romance more than a gift designed to make someone feel old!
What about the valentines meal? There’s always the local pub for a pint and a pie but what if you were thinking of cooking your significant other a meal to show them you care?
Aunt Bessie’s are doing special valentines heart shaped Yorkshire Puddings, because nothing says romance like cooked batter! Apparently available in Asda and Morrison’s.
What about a valentines breakfast? M&S special this year is 2 sausages wrapped in bacon, shaped into a heart called a ‘Love Sausage’ – err, okay. Maybe don’t tell your partner they are getting Love Sausage for breakfast, you might not get the response you wanted!
Whatever your plans for Valentines day, if you plan a joke gift, fingers crossed it goes well! And please, if you propose with a Poundland ring, let us know!!